Spell of Harmony

Listening to DarkLife, after a very quiet day at home with Micah and Ginger. Micah is still in terrible trouble, after having beaten a child with a toy this last weekend, and three weeks ago, gotten in another fight and kicked a child when he was already down.
It's just so disturbing. We're on full grounding now, including postponing celebrating his birthday. *sigh*
In other news...work marches on. It's reached a bit of an impasse with where I'm at, but hopefully I and my boss are moving in the right direction.
Ahhh, for the world of Myst...
I'm off to look for a local doctor for Micah...we have to do something else.

“Ride the King’s highway, baby.”

“Ride the King’s highway, baby.” Dimly-lit, cool summer nights listening to The Doors in Mel’s back yard in Lubbock . It may be because I’m Dayquilled out, and listening to fun, psychedelic music, but the incredible sense of contentment seems to roll back over me from then. Good memory.

State-induced memory.

I slept 20 hours yesterday. And still feel like crap, but at least I’m at work and kicking. I hope it doesn’t matter if I’m channeling bits from Apocalypse Now.

3T, or "Tech Talk Tuesday" went well...I'm so happy to have survived it, with my voice being shot and hacking up a lung every minute or two. But I'm home now and the Nyquil is flowing like water. Yes, it is akin to licking a shag carpet, but oh, sweet heaven, the relief.

Micah's visit, Cali and Ginger's suprise...

Today is a Saturday, day of rest, fun and relaxation. Especially now that the work crisis is over and my job is secure.

We were all outside, Ginger and I clipping Taylor and Micah was working on making water balloons. He was having trouble tying them, and got really frustrated. To the point that he wanted to quit, but was able to make three at G's request. After taking a time out, he tried again, and after making one more, got angry. We tried to roll play with me having accidently popped a water balloon all over myself, I got angry and then asked him, if he was my dad, what would he say. He said he didn't know as he isn't a daddy, so then we asked him what if it was a good friend. His response was that they wouldn't like him that much anyway...which got him another time out. We just now sat down and took turns coming up with good things about him that would make him a good friend and are special about him.

Empathy is really tough for him, and getting past his own wants to compromise are challenges that stand in the way of his making friends. I recall that I had trouble making friends when I was younger because I was so introverted...Although at St. Marks, i did great and had lots of fun and lots of friends. Micah is doing better, this time around at St. Marks...hopefully that will continue into next week.

Kay stated that the other night when they took dinner to the grandparents, Micah, on his own, set the table and then bussed their plates afterwards. There are definite glimpses of the person he could become.

Ginger thinks I'm too hard on him, as in last night I really didn't want to let him sleep in our bed, even though he felt ill. She put him in our bed, and then I wound up, at her request again, going in and lying down with him. He kicks more than me and took over the bed! I suppose it was nice to do, but still...he's almost nine!

Well, for G's surprise, I've got a date nailed down now and am working on the project, trying to break it down into manageable portions and treat it like I would any other massive, earth-shattering project.

Since she never reads this, that won't help her in the least. She's looking over my shoulder at this juncture...lol.

Great, great grandfather? Or just Great Grandfather?

WEADOCK, Thomas Addis Emmet

(1850—1938)

WEADOCK, Thomas Addis Emmet, a Representative from Michigan; born in Ballygarrett, County Wexford, Ireland, on January 1, 1850; immigrated to the United States in infancy with his parents, who settled on a farm near St. Marys, Auglaize County, Ohio; educated in the common schools and the Union School at St. Marys; taught school in the counties of Auglaize, Shelby, and Miami for five years; was graduated from the law department of the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor in March 1873; was admitted to the bar the same year and commenced practice in Bay City, Mich.; served in the State militia 1874-1877; prosecuting attorney of Bay County in 1877 and 1878; chairman of the Democratic State conventions in 1883 and 1894; mayor of Bay City 1883-1885; member of the board of education of Bay City in 1884; elected as a Democrat to the Fifty-second and Fifty-third Congresses (March 4, 1891-March 3, 1895); chairman, Committee on Mines and Mining (Fifty-third Congress); declined to be a candidate for reelection in 1894; delegate at large to the Democratic National Convention in 1896; resumed the practice of law in Bay City, and later moved to Detroit, and continued to practice; unsuccessful Democratic candidate for judge of the supreme court of Michigan in 1904; appointed a professor of law in the University of Detroit in 1912; appointed an associate justice of the State supreme court in 1933; died in Detroit, Mich., November 18, 1938; interment in St. Patrick’s Cemetery, Bay City, Mich.

Self Saboteur

I feel dark today...in a good way though. It's grey and rainy out and quite comfy. Just got a new camera to replace our stolen one, so it will soon be time to start with the abandoned places project. We have company coming over tonight, so there is much cleaning to be done. As per usual.
Need to make a couple of lists and prepare for an organize my life night, I'm thinking Monday evening. I'll be on my own and can spend some thought on things.

Lists:
Top five problems at work
Five things that can make paying bills easier
Five fun things to do with Micah
Top five worries and a first step to make each better
Five things that will make me healthier and happier

It's all about taking it out of your head and putting it on paper (or digitally!) and then using the brainspace for the now.

This also relates well to Full Catasatrophe Living's principle of whereever you are, being fully there, not lost in the past or pondering the future.

There's my homework due before Monday night.

"Life hacks"

So i'm completely taken with 43 Folders podcast...I need some personal development and to foster a little creativity at work. Jennifer has been great about helping me be creative and supporting me, as well as listening to me vent about the stresses of support ops.
Also, it's time for me to get a job description...I'm a bit torn between worker bee and managing, er, bee? and there is a bit of friction with all the changes going on.
Micah, well, he's Micah, but we had a good experience playing soccer with some neighborhood kids just now. We're still struggling with him only thinking about his wants and not playing well or sharing with other kids. It's definitely a control thing for him.

Fast Forward

It's like listening to three albums playing at 78, writing down the lyrics while refinishing the floor and calculating pi to the 200th decimal.
I can't seem to keep up and it feels as though important things are slipping through my fingers.
While I do enjoy going ninety miles an hour at work, other things start to lock up. Like talking to friends, playing games or having a personality.
When I sat down at the computer just now, my first thought was to log onto my office computer and get some more work done. My second thought was to so not do that.
I'm thrilled that Micah got into the swimming pool today and tried to celebrate as much as humanly possible with him...but when I was outside telling G my work woes (so Micah doesn't hear me bitching on his special night) he came outside with me. A neighbor kid who is a year older than Micah came outside to say hello and Micah wouldn't even speak to him. I chatted with him a bit and then said we had to go finish dinner.
When I asked Micah why, he said he was thinking about himself, not about talking to anyone else. And yet, he said that he would be upset if someone ignored him. I just don't get it! I try to be a good example for him and try to make him understand what it takes to make friends.
Still, today falls under the heading of positive...he got in the pool. Small victories. Small steps.

Minor victories...and minor losses

So I'm noticing a negative trend to these posts. On a positive note, today I made it out of work at 4:30 and went and picked up the kiddo, who had a pretty good day at Soccer Camp. Yay! He has promised that tomorrow he's going to swim, although I'll believe it when I see it.
It's a nice evening, and although we didn't do much, it's been very liveable. Micah's in the shower now, after our trip to the drug store to get me decongestant and lozenges, the latest PC Magazine, and chocolate.
I've got Cinnamon Road by Shawn Colvin stuck in my head, although that isn't a bad thing at all.
The funnest moment of the weekend was Micah and I, with occasional input from Ginger, driving, listening to the Arrogant Worms and singing along with them. While Micah sings well, and with enthusiasm, I sound like a wounded mammoth, but it was a nice moment.
Any song that teaches you what makes up DNA or defines "ductility" has got to be worth memorizing.

Oh Cinnamon Road
That's where we would go
To try and feel better

Oh hot summer breeze
Tops of the trees
Reachin forever

So you take all the things that you felt then
And never did show
With a picture in your head of somebody
That you never did know
Put em all in a box and you leave em
Down Cinnamon Road
But all the money in the world is never gonna
Let you go

Oh where did you go
Cinnamon Road
I wanna feel better

Oh bibles and beads
Stacks of degrees
Reachin forever

So you take all the things that you felt then
And never did show
With a picture in your head of somebody
That you never did know
Put em all in a box and you leave em
Down Cinnamon Road
But all the money in the world is never gonna
Let you go

All them money in the world...

innocence lost has been an ongoing theme lately in random conversations. on the whole, i suppose it's a good thing, but relationships get more complex, people become jaded and cynical and more and more walls get built. Conversely, we learn and adapt and realize the worth of things that we previously considered extraneous or superfluous.

i'm feeling a bit jaded and cynical tonight, but it's nice to see Micah talking quietly as he gets ready for bed. There's hope for tomorrow.

It ain't easy being a parent...

Rough day. Very rough day. It just seems to easy for kids to say hurtful things. Granted, I think it is just a way of lashing out, without thinking about how it really affects those he's lashing out at. I really feel for Ginger, having to deal with such an insolent and often surly kid, who isn't even hers. He melted down today after being lectured for running into the street (the second time in two days!) and was a complete jerk in Target. To the point that he got spanked by both G and I. He made the mistake of saying that he was stupid, that we were ugly people and that he was gonna tell his mother that we beat him. Which, of course, we are going to tell Jessica about.
Then, after I had walked him to the car, he made the hideous comment that Ginger didn't love him at all. This was right after I told him that no matter how mad I get at him, I don't ever forget how much I love him.
My patience is thin and frail. Micah had to write 35 sentences and clean up the dog poop as punishment. I so just want to crawl into bed and crank up the iPod with the most recent Ungodly Hour on it and shut out the world.
I know G wants kids, and it is obvious what a wonderful mother she is, but I have serious doubts about my parenting skills. I try hard but Micah isn't easy.
Okay. Positive things. We got the dogs washed, I did some yard work and we planted more basil today. G got a massage, although she's earned about twenty...
More later, as I clutch my sanity grimly about me and charge back into the fray. Perhaps we should rename Micah "Cthuhlu" for the effect he has on us. That being said, I do love him and always will.

Seeing the world through peril sensitive sunglasses

It's hard not to. G noted tonight "What kind of parent would send thier child to the other parents house for two weeks without ANYTHING. No clothes, toys, books, nothing. That is a sterling example of not seeing things from the perspective of what's best for your child. What's worse, it didn't even occur to me that she would, even if asked.

My theme for me during Micah's visit is "Cool, calm and collected." I'm going to try very hard to stay, mellow, i guess for lack of a better word, and not let the small stuff get me irritated. Or angry. And I'm going to be aware of how being in a more positive and reassuring atmosphere will be better for Micah. Or try really hard anyway.

G is being wonderful through this. It never ceases to amaze me how much she makes me a better parent, and how I can never repay her for all the wonderful things she's done for Micah by loving him and keeping his interests and developement in mind. Truly, truly she has reserved her slot in heaven or built up a lifetime's worth of karma just for that continual act alone.

"I'm a soul man...."

Saturday...day of children, yardwork, dogishness and showers, both rain and marital. And, occasionally, those that involve soap and shampoo.

I'm so proud of myself! I actually fixed the saw part of the chainsaw. It's like earning a new merit badge in the home improvement scouts. We are working on trimming back trees and bushes so that we can plant some tomatoes, bell peppers and strawberries.

It's nice that G is home and Micah is here. The last two weeks have been very quiet and have involved me not really talking to anyone after work. Granted, I make up for that while at work. I keep telling myself that I'm going to get out and be more social.

And I hear the sound of the kiddo being resistant to lunch, so that's it for this post. Next stop, the vet for Goldie's ear infection.

Day like any other...

But I'm ready for it to be over...not to be whiney, just that there is no rest for the wicked. Or me, for that matter. i summoned up some energy last night and worked in the yard and trimmed lots of overgrown bushes. It felt good to be outside and getting some fresh air and exercise. Tonight I'm going to take the dogs for a walk as they've been cooped up too much this week.

Things at work are going well, or at least we're staying on top of things and being timely about responding. And, I haven't had to be too much of a bastard. It's a good thing. As soon as we hire two new people, life will get even better!

Just another drive-by post...I'm trying to get into the habit of writing more, as when I get home, I feel like I'm useless for the rest of the evening. Increasing activity at night will change that a bit, I'm hoping.

Back to work o rama!

Just a ride, it's just a ride...

So I'm feeling a bit driven today...although i'm sleepy too. We're keeping up with all the incoming calls and emails for a change, which is pleasant, although my pet projects are being swept to the side for now.
Dear god, it's time to go home...or at least time for lunch.

Come Monday...

So i spent a good chunk of time this weekend working on jefflovesginger.com. It's amazing how rusty i've gotten.

Work today is frighteningly busy, and I'm having trouble focusing...obviously since I'm writing here. All sorts of crap that should've been dealt with last week hasn't been touched. And, I need my second wind to get onto the Tech Talk Tuesday project as well as my own pet documentation project.

AAAaaaauuuugggghhhhh,...Is it too soon to start drinking?

It may be headphone time...

the end all blog all

It's quiet here...G's out of town on business and the dogs are exhausted from a day of guarding the house. From the evil mongol hordes that were I'm sure battering down doors and attempting to rape our cattle and steal our women.

I'm waiting to hear back from one of Kris and Jer's friends, Chris, if he will grace me with an email at "isanevilgenius.com" Kris, in her ever contentious self, chose "thisbitch@..." as her moniker. I thought about going with "thatbitchesarchnemesis@..." but instead chose the ever-popular "jeff."

It was also a day of misquoting cliches and bad puns, but really, what day isn't in my world?
A coworker had a birthday today and one of my teammates suggested key lime pie. That, sadly, lead to this email:

Stop being a social key-limer, Parit.

Mousse you be so flaky?

I swear, I'd like to peach your lights out.

I think I'll stop before ya'll put me in therapie.

i've been playing with the dogs, pulling up weeds, catching up on the latest from my friend Jennifer and generally relaxing this evening. It's been good so far. Also, setting up my iPod. Woot!

Still carrying massive stressness in my shoulders. Perhaps new chairs at work are in order. I couldn't bring myself to run tonight, but am definitely going tomorrow evening.

Tonight is for being a bit sleepy and lackadaisical. If that is spelled wrong, tough.
That's all for now, as the spaniels are clamoring for food!

Odd sight for the day...

...was an ambulance leaving a cemetary. Cuts out the middle man, i suppose.

It was a nice, albeit brief, gathering of G's family at the funeral of her step-grandmother.
I was amazed by the preponderance of flutterbies...er, butterflies. It was almost magical.

Let's see...relevant news from there...Vera's grandchildren from a previous marriage are complete wankers, asking for her wedding ring, mere feet from her open casket. Bubba is opening a chain of Z Pizza stores in San Diego. That's all i got from our brief time at the national cemetary.

I rushed there from the meeting with the big kahuna's from my department where the corporate trainer and i sold them on the idea of having a monthly live meeting called "Tech Talk Tuesday" to address relevant issues with our broad user base. It was very productive, but of course ran long...as we were all running out, we asked the pointed question "Do we have the go ahead?" to the VP of IT and the VP of HR. We recieved their blessings. Literally.

Now we just have to make it work. I'm thinking that for the first one, we need to make an email that resembles a B movie poster..."Attack of the 50 foot Blackberry" or something equally kitchy.

I'm starving and bought comfort food on the way home. We're in for another bout of storms, so I'm off to play with the dogs and get them some exercise and then munching down.

Monday Change

We're spending Monday throwing quotes about change back and forth. There are some particularly poignent one's....

The birds are molting. If only man could molt also - his mind once a year its errors, his heart once a year its useless passions. ~James Allen

What can we take on trust
in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness,
pride - nothing is secure, nothing keeps.
~Euripides, Hecuba

It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. ~W. Edwards Deming

Everybody goes to parties
They dance this mess around
They do the Shu-ga-loo
Do the Shy Tuna
Do the Camel Walk
Do the Hip-o-crit
~The B-52's

It's Monday and I just can't seem to get focused...I sent in a response to an email from my boss about any office supplies we wanted...Mine consisted of a stapler, notebooks, pencils and lead and a "Apocalypse Cow" poster. He called me 30 minutes later stating that he couldn't find the poster and did I have a part number for it...i felt bad about that...terribly amused, as that is something I'd do, but still bad.

Building maintenance was in here this morning, replacing all the lights. Now it's like working in the center of the sun, it's so freakin' bright. I need to put a canopy or something over my cube so I don't fry. He was not a happy person, as it seems that many IT folks have moved and damaged the fixtures.

Allright, now it's off to be productive.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Trying to get motivated to clean today as we have G's sister and family coming over soon for lunch. We have a great time last night at the Scott's celebrating Beltane. There was jumping over the fire, cider, good food and entertaining company.
I'm still grumpy today, but am trying to work through it. Off to clean.
~Jeff